This will probably get me screamed at if it’s ever discovered, so promise me you won’t tell my mom.
So my mother, God bless her, is a stickler for honesty. That sounds like a great quality to have, and it is most of the time, but it can lead to some pretty ridiculous misunderstandings. Like, for example, if you are relaying information to her and forget something. Or, God forbid, if her version of events doesn’t match up to your version of events. Needless to say its very easy to have your integrity called into question by my mom because anybody who isn’t an open book is “secretive”. Her words, not mine.
The other thing you should know is that she is convinced that I’m horrible with money. She isn’t completely wrong about that. I have my struggles and she is, by far, much better with money than I am. So whenever she talks about my money handling abilities I can expect a good five minutes of teasing about my inability to hold onto a dime (I CAN, just not for very long, which is why separate accounts for savings works like a charm for me).
So, today she asks me out of the blue, “how’s your savings going”?
I, of course, avoid the question. I emptied my savings account not too long ago for some major expenses and so I am starting from scratch. The last thing I want is another three minutes of jokes about how broke I am.
WHat happens is a full-on ten-minute tirade about how “secretive” I am about money. Mind you, I tell my mom whenever I get paid and we do a little celebration because it’s proof that I’m not just turning into a hobbit sitting in front of my computer. I AM working and every invoice marked PAID is proof that I’m not completely wasting my life (although I do fall down the occasional YouTube hole; don’t judge me).
In the midst of her “explanation”, she says I hide my purchases. Whenever I buy things for myself I hide them in my room, according to her. She even demonstrated, complete with a hunched over duck walk (I don’t walk like that, it was for effect guys, I swear). I, of course, denied it.
You may be wondering what’s so funny about this. Well, ladies and gents, my bedroom door has NO LOCK and my closet has NO DOORS. How do you hide clothes in a closet with no doors in a room with no lock in a house where she has the keys? In fact, on several occassions, she has asked me if I intend to get doors for my closet and I told her no, I like it the way it is.
It was at that moment that I realized that she has the flu, and when you’re sick even small annoyances can seem like big ones. The easiest way to demonstrate that I wasn’t hiding anything was to show her my account. I took out my phone and showed her my account overview on my banking app and promised to send her regular screenshots. Because, seriously, this isn’t worth fighting over.
Believe it or not, that only made matters worse.
“I just want to talk to you about money, I don’t want proof,” she yelled.
At this point, I am reminding myself that kindness to parents is a duty. She has been patient with me for all these years, I can be patient with her while she is sick. If she wants to yell at me, she can. But it’s dumb (Yup, I TOLD her I thought it was dumb which bought me another two minutes of yelling, so much for honesty being the best policy), and I’m not going to yell back or even try defending anymore. I’m going to play dead and hope she goes away (that’s what you do during a bear attack, right?).
When she said “if I did that to you you’d be in such a world of hurt you’d cry because you’d be in a world of hurt” (paraphrasing, but you can guess how it was actually said) I nearly choked.
So, sometime next week I’ll probably send her another screenshot of my account overview. She’ll probably throw a bottle at my head for being cheeky. I’ll ignore that too because she’s my mom. And as for as for today’s “fight”, it’s one for the history books.